There may also be a part of you that tend to make the same mistakes repeatedly. You might get to a point where you believe that some things cannot be changed. This belief helps you to avoid the feeling of failure.
Again and again we…
- make the wrong decision, even though we have all the information necessary,
- get stuck in uncomfortable situations,
- feel anger, although we don’t want to,
- come late to a meeting, even though we’ve promised to be on time so many times,
- fail to stick to our diet,
- vow never to criticise others, but find ourselves in accusations,
- struggle to stay calm in a given business situation,
- want to make more business contacts but don’t feel successful in our networking skills,
- need help working with certain people in a team.
When we make the same mistakes repeatedly and find ourselves in the same vicious circle, we are prone to draw conclusions about ourselves and our environment. Although, in the end, these final conclusions protect us from feeling desperate, they serve as a shield.
If we look at our environment, we can see a lot of vicious circles and never-ending stories. Toxic behaviour, being cheated on, lost fights, unfulfilled dreams.
And slowly but surely, we develop a worldview full of beliefs that certain things cannot be changed or achieved.
“It’s just the way it is.”; “You can’t have everything.”
However, we should focus on self-reflection rather than burying our goals and holding on to a self-limiting belief. Why have our attempts failed, and what is our real purpose?
Keep in mind: our worldviews are 100% logical.
How do we go about achieving a goal or solving a problem?
Step zero is to accurately define the goal we want to achieve or the problem we want to solve.
Next, we want to choose how to get from the problem (current state) to the goal (desired outcome). Herefore, we determine specific tools or strategies.
This process might run automatically but is always based on logical conclusions and beliefs.
Let’s see an example. A business owner believes that the more a person works, the more successful they are. They will make confident business decisions based on this belief. For instance, they would introduce overtime if they wanted to increase their team’s output. Need more? Increase it further! Finally, after nothing works, they conclude that all employees need to be generally more productive.
The above example shows that the tool chosen for achieving the goal aligns with the business owners’ beliefs about how the world works. However, in the end, it is better to recognise that the solution (=tool) is the actual problem.
By drawing final conclusions, we question the goal rather than our methods. We create a self-limiting belief to avoid more failures.
Instead, we should explore the logic behind our choice of tools and goals.
Exploring the Problem-Tool-Goal Triad
I know plenty of people who cling to a self-limiting belief in some areas of their lives and cut themselves off from a particular goal. These beliefs are deep-rooted and affect all areas of life: career, family, friends, etc.
If you think of teamwork, all individuals bring their personal self-limiting beliefs into the group dynamics. We all have the concept of achieving specific goals and what is not worth investing effort into. These lead to conflicts, contradictions, and destructive dynamics.
So let’s get clear on whether our goal and problem definition is accurate, our methods are the right ones or the outcome of a limiting belief. For this step, it is crucial to take your time.
As Albert Einstein once said:
"If I were given one hour to save the planet, I would spend 59 minutes defining the problem and one minute resolving it." – Albert Einstein Share on XWhat is the fundamental problem we are trying to solve? Who is affected by the problem, and how does it affect us and our environment?
What is the goal, the basic need we want to meet? What exactly does the desired outcome look like? And why is this desired outcome good for us and others?
Answering these questions helps us clarify what is now and where we want to be.
Once we have clearly outlined the goal and problem, we are ready to choose the right tool.
Figure out the reason why the previous tools and methods have failed. Was it the tool itself or the implementation?
Answer the following questions:
- What is the logic behind my choice of tools? Why is this logic questionable?
- What new foundations do I build my next strategy on?
- Do other belief systems influence the new approach?
The conclusion is to question yourself instead of giving up.
We learn from our mistakes, so every failure is an opportunity to grow. To gain self-awareness and take significant steps toward fulfilment.
This is true in private and business: agility in every challenging situation is essential to progress. Conflicts are great opportunities to unlock the potential of your leaders and teams; it just requires understanding the individual needs that drive their behaviour.
